we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
