filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
