I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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