Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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