garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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