i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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