Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
