we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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