im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
