At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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