Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
