I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
