Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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