I will die if light touches me.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
