Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize