my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize