How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i barfeds in our rink
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
