I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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