Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
