his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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