im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
