My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
