Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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