I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
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Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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