Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize