Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
