i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
