I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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