mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Boobs speak an international language.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
