the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
