watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
