I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
