i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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