i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
