Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
