Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
