my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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