marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
