i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
