His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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