My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
