I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
