I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize