my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
