If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
