Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
