Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
