Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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