I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
