I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
