I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
