I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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