mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My bed smells like the plague
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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