This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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