i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
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i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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