He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
