Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
