Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
