So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
