Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
