the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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