I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
